Video Game Village 3: Plot Zero
by Metal Sonic EX
Summary: The real world makes a Video Game Village movie and it sucks so bad, it causes the barrier between the real world and video game world to tear, letting in a new foe who's so powerful, it's scary. -Complete-
1. You Actually Came Back?

Time: 11:32 PM

Date: Oct. 31, 20somethingorother

Location: The Bad Side of Town

* * *

"Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give us something good to eat!" A shaded figure looked through the peephole and looked at the two kids on his doorstep. Chcukling, he gripped a lever. "How are you? I am well. Now shut up and go to Hell!" He pulled the lever and the kids fell into a trapdoor.

Laughing, the figure went back into the meeting room and sat down. It was so hard everyone else lifted into the air briefly. However, as told by their faces, it had happened before. "Now, to the business on hand." Everyone remained quiet. -ding dong- "I got it." Everyone sighed as the figure went to the door. "Trick or treat." The figure laughed. "Treats? Sure. How about a great big bowl of fuck off?"

He pulled the lever and laugh hysterically. "Warhead, if you would please stop that..." Warhead spun around and pointed. "STFU, Eggman! Just STFU!" Rez tilted his head. "Stop Talking For Us?" Eggman sighed. 'It means...-" -ding dong- "I got it!" Warhead looked through the peephole as Sephiroth turned his head and glared while a choir sang _'Sephiroth!'_

"NO!!" Warhead flew backwards holding his eyes. Rez gasped and pointed at him. "He's gotten the Death Glare!" Copy X gasped and spun around to face him. "Run away!" Everyone began running around wildly as Warhead's head began glowing. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!" From the good side of town, a nuclear explosion could be seen in the distance. "Warhead got angry again."

_"Sephiroth!"_ Silver monotonically opened the door and closed it. "Or maybe he just got the Death Glare." Silver fell down and everyone looked at the body before shrugging. "You know, it's gonna start stinking." Rouge shrugged. "Whatcha' watching? Beethoven?" Rouge smirked. "Nope. The Land Before Time." Everyone in the room, save Silver, went 'Ooooh!' and rushed for a good seat.

Outside, Sora, Cloud, and Leon were swordfighting when Sephiroth walked up. He gave them the Death Glare... _"Sephiroth!"_ ...but they just shrugged and continued their activities. "Damn immunities." Just then, Spot, Pac-Man, Klonoa, and the latest newcomer, Hildegarde Von Krone, were walking down the street. _"Sephiroth!"_ Everyone looked around. "Where'd that voice come from?" Shrugging, they continued on their way.

"Damn!" Sephiroth stormed into the house and jumped into Wakka's arms. "Bellhop, take me to my room!" Tifa sighed. "Sephiroth, he isn't..." Sephiroth glared into Wakka's eyes. _"Move your ass!"_ Wakka panicked and hurried up the stairs, leaving behind Tifa, who simply sighed. Elsewhere, several badgers were lined up. Suddenly, they stood erect as the Imperial March began playing.

It scratched adbruptly as a uniformed badger drove a golf cart with a plastic hand down the line, slapping everyone in the line. "Dumkofs! Because of you, our infidelic bretheren were successful! I should kill you all. As a matter of fact, I will!" Sephiroth opened his closet... _"Sephiroth!"_ ...and every badger exploded, including Himpler. Or Himplah as he was known as in college. "Fucking badgers..."

* * *

Time: Who knows?

Date: Who cares?

Location: Who gives a fuck?

* * *

"Watcha' doin'?" Warhead turned to Rez. "Reading a fanfiction of some sort. Seems really retarded though. It's about some losers in this village of video games." Rez started. "What's it called?" Warhead shrugged. "I don't know. I tried looking up the summary, but it cuts of in mid-sente


	2. The Family Guy Effect

nce." Warhead and Rez exchanged glances. "Motherfucker! -annoyed grunt-" Warhead slammed his fists onto the computer desk, then thrust his hand through the computer. "Warhead, that was our only computer!!" Warhead looked at the computer, which was now stuck on his arm. "It was just a waste of money. Unlike that time we hired a stripper for Eggman's birthday."

* * *

(Eggman is smiling as a stripper named Bridget is removing his clothes.)

"Yeah!" Bridget removes his pants. "Yeah!" Bridget removes his panties and Eggman continues smiling, but his glasses crack.

* * *

"That was a good day indeed." Warhead holds up his hand and Rez high-fives him as Eggman walks in. "Yeah, but I got you back good when I got you to go sky-diving!"

* * *

(Warhead jumps from a helicopter just as his instructor jumps. Warhead yells 'Whoooooo!' then goes to open his parachute, but is blind-sided by the bird from the NES version of Ninja Gaiden.)

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-boom!-ck!"

* * *

Warhead growls as Rez and Eggman high-five.

* * *

Time: Sometime

Date: Someothertime

Location: Somewhere

* * *

"Silver's starting to rot." Knuckles shrugged. "I seen worse." Rogue turned to him. "When?" Knuckles sighed. "Back when only me, Sonic, and Tails lived here.

* * *

(Knuckles is watching TV when he grimaces and sniffs the air.)

"What's that awful stench?"

(Sonic walks by smelling like shit.)

"Hey, you try being a hedgehog for once!"

(Sonic reaches behind his head, pulls something from the quills on his back, then takes a bite of the apple. As he turns to walk out the door, several other apples appear, also stuck to his back. As he leaves, Tails screams from the bathroom.)

"Someone's been taking bites out of a turd!"

* * *

(Rouge now has a digusted look on her face.)

"Yeah, worse. What's this?" Rouge turned to the TV. "The Land Before Time III: Time of the Great Giving." Knuckles nodded approvingly. "This movie sucks." Rouge shrugged. "It's bearable." Sonic walked behind the two, smelling like shit, then walks out the door. "Don't look out the window." Rouge frowned. "I wasn't planning on it." From outside, someone screams. "Who's been eating shit?!"

In the Metal Gear Solid estate, Solid Snake was facing Big Boss in the battle of the century: an air hockey tournament. Naturally, they had the most skill in this field and were currently locked in a deathmatch. Campbell and the Cyborg Ninja watched in disbelief as they took the game way too seriously. "This is weird. And Big Boss is sucking." The Cyborg Ninja turned to Campbell. "I've seen him do worse."

* * *

(Naked Snake is in the jungle, smiling and facing the camera.)

"Can you say... Shagohod?"

(Several minutes pass as he stands there with his mouth open in a creepy smile and his hands held on his hips.)

"Me neither!"

(Suddenly, a sniper's laser target appears on his crotch.)

"-gasp- Sniper Wolf! No sniping!"

* * *

Campbell raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "I've seen even worse. You should've been here when Billy Hatcher crossed paths with Tommy Vercetti."

* * *

(People have quietly drinking coffee at a cafe when suddenly a car drives through the window and Billy Hatcher flies through the windshield with dynamite strapped to his chest. "I'M SO FUCKING STONED RIGHT NOW!!" He pulls out a detonator, gives forth a cliched 'Ghalala!', then pushes the button, exploding the cafe.

* * *

"Weird..." Campbell nodded.

* * *

Back in the Klonoa house, Klonoa was looking at King, who was spacing out. "Are you okay?" King nodded. "Sorry, I've got ADD, so it makes it hard to..." King turned and stared with amazement as Popka walked in. "How does it see with no eyes?!" Popka growled and stomped off. "So, you were saying?" King started. "Oh yeah. It's hard for me to concentrate. Like that time I tried taking the SAT..."

* * *

(King is in a college looking intensely at a blank test. He then turns to the nerd next to him.)

_'Maybe I should cheat...'_

(A small King wearing a white robe and carrying a harp appears on his left shoulder.)

"Don't. You know it's wrong."

(A small King with horns and a pitchfork appears on the other shoulder.)

"So what?! There's thousands of chicks out there you could score with. Why waste your time here with this shit?!"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"I've got balls of steel!"

"Lerooooooooooooy... Jenkins!"

"It's a trap!"

"All your base are belong to us!"

"Nigga stole ma bike!"

"Weebls-Stuff got things that'll make you think!"

"Prunes and willies! Bum-bums and willies!"

"It's a high-class website and that's for sure!"

"Titties! Titties! Titties galore!"

"We'll never put on some immature pap!"

"Here's a picture of a penis and it's wearing a hat!"

"Weebls-Stuff will never lower itself to your level!"

"Poop! Poop! This poop is called Mevel!"

* * *

"I failed the test..." Klonoa raised an eyebrow, then slowly backed up.

* * *

Back at the bad side of town, Warhead and the others were enlisting a new group of 'reinforcements'.

"Okay, here's the list so far. General RAAM."

"He's dead, nigga!"

"...Jason Chance..."

"Him too, nigga!"

"...Mike Tyson..."

"Who suggested that?"

"I did."

"-punch-"

"What was that for?!"

"For being you!"

"...Mistress Sera..."

"MILF!"

"She's not a mother."

"GILF!"

"-sigh- ...Gaia..."

"Who?"

"That guy who was in Battle Arena Toshinden."

"Battle what?"

"...Xemnas..."

"Isn't Gaia dead?"

"No, he just retired."

"Get his ass out of retirement!"

"lol Mansex!"

"...Mephiles..."

"That guy's a bitch!"

"He kicks Silver's ass!"

"And Big's ass!"

"-collective agreements-"

"...Axel Gear..."

"FRUIT!!"

"...Algol..."

"BIGGER FRUIT!!"

"He doesn't even like us!"

"...Oh! Just one more. A Mr. Shut The Fuck Up And Let Me Finish Reading The Goddamn List!"

"-silence-"

"Thank you. Moving on, we have Dracula..."

"Queer!"

"-sigh-"

"Hey, this isn't the first time we've fucked with you."

* * *

(Warhead walks into Eggman's room, where he's surfing the net.)

"Hey, did you know they found the missing link in the evolutionary chain?"

"-gasp- Really?!"

"Yeah! Go to www dot lemonparty dot com."

(A.N. Don't. Just don't. It'll scar you for life... I told you not too...)

Warhead runs out of the room as Eggman goes to the website. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

(A.N. If you're wondering, it's a picture of three old guys having a threesome. You may vomit now...)

* * *

Laughing, Warhead and Rez exchange another high-five as Eggman growls. Copy X then turns to Eggman. "So, how did you get two eye replacements on our budget?" Eggman growled again and went back to the list.

"Guilty Spark..."

"What?"

"Isn't that queer dead yet?"

"...the Vortex Queen..."

"UN-MILF!!"

"...and Big Daddy."

"Who's that? Your prison buddy?"

"Fuck you."

Juno floats in and gasps. "Such naughty language." Warhead scoffs. "Please. There's been worse."

* * *

(Tails kicks Sonic in the nuts.)

"Fuck!"

(Cloud kicks Sephiroth in the nuts.)

"Fuck!!"

(Sephiroth kicks Wakka in the nuts.)

"Fuck, ya!!"

(Pac-Man kicks Q-Bert in the nuts.)

"-bunch of symbols-!!"

(Everyone gasps.)

* * *

Juno rubs his chin. "Indeed." Juno slowly floated backwards out the door. "So, what now?" Warhead shrugs. "Dunno." Rez held up a DVD. The real world based a movie on us. I totally boot-legged it." Copy X gasped. "That's stealing!" Everyone turns to him as Warhead smacks his head lightly. "Duh! We're villains. We do that."

Rez laughed. "I gave a copy to the goody-goodies so they could watch it too!" Warhead shrugged again. "Wonderful. Put the DVD in." Rez put the DVD in and fast-forwarded through the previews. "Okay, this is gonna kick ass." Eggman looked around. "Indeed. And finally, I can say something without being cut o


	3. The Auditions

ff." Eggman looked at the screen. "Dammit!" Warhead chuckled. "Welcome to the club." Rez growled, then went to kick the TV, but remembered that he didn't have feet. "DVD Player's busted. Let's get Greedy to fix it!" Everyown turned around and, for the first time, realized the they were the only ones there. "Dude, is it seriously just us four?" Eggaman nodded. ""Everyone else is retired or dead." Warhead sighed.

"Fine, come on. Until Rez fixes the TV, it's up to us to renew our forces. First off, Bowser!"

"Retired."

"Uh... Okay... Uh... Darth Vader!"

"Dead."

"...Greedy?"

"Vacation."

"Huzzah! Let's get his ass!"

"...'Huzzah'?"

"Shut up!"

The baddies, that is Warhead, Eggman, and Copy X, walked up to a large hole in the wall. "What's this?" MSX walked in and smiled. "A plot hole!" Rez played a rimshot and MSX walked away. "We really gotta learn to lock our door at night." So, the baddies walked into the plot hole and found theselves at Hawaii. There, they found Greedy sunbathing. "Hey, numbnuts!" Greedy started, then looked up. "Hey! Nice to see ya guys! Grab a seat." Warhead stomped up to him. "Better idea. I'll take yours." Warhead picked Greedy up along with the chair and stomped back into the plot hole. "Copy X, stay here with Greedy. We'll be back." Two hours later, the two returned.

"So, in two hours, the only two guys we got were Bowser-"

"Who left."

"-and Reapermon."

"Who was at the retirement home!"

"You were at the retirement home?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?! I'm the fucking Grim Reaper! It's what I do!"

"There are other Grim Reapers you know."

"None are as cool as I am."

"You were in one game."

"So?!"

"It sucked."

"Did not!"

"And the sequel ripped off of Smash Bros.!"

"So what?! It was Smash Bros.!"

"Ugh..."

Warhead sighed, then wrote something on the piece of paper and put it on the outside of the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Nice, or the GHODATNN for short. He closed the door, then sighed. "Get the long table and chairs." The long table and chairs spontaneously appeared. "It's audition time, isn't it?" Warhead stomped over, grabbed Greedy's head, and slammed it against the chapter selection bar. "What does it say?" Greedy read to the best of his abilities. "The Auditions...?" Warhead threw him against the wall. "Exactly! Dumbass..." Warhead opened the door and saw a long line of people. "Next!"

Warhead took his seat next to Eggman and both Greedy and Reapermon took their seats next to him. A large throne appeared and Algol appeared in it. "You don't even like us." Algol frowned. "That's becasue you stole my lawnmower!" Eggman raised an eyebrow. "You live on a tower. You don't need a lawnmower." Algol smashed his hand down on the throne's armrest. "What if someone broke in and tried taking my stuff?!" Eggman sighed. "You live on the top floor. They'd be gone before you knew it."

Algol growled. "Liar!" Eggman sighed again. "This is ridiculous." Algol started as Warhead sighed. "Great! Here comes another 300 joke." Algol tilted his head. "Ridiculous? This is Sparta!!" The throne appeared in front of Eggman's head and Algol booted him in the head, sending him flying. When he landed, he started. "Why am I on an Olympic track?" _It's a new record!_ Eggman looked up. "Who's voice was that?" Eggman noticed that the large floating sign above him said 9341 feet. "What does _that_ mean?" Vegeta appeared and broke a scouter as he yelled. "It means that it's over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!"

Eggman sighed and walked all the way back to the table. "Next!" Algol vanished as Claude from GTA3 walked in. "Next!" Greedy started. "Give him a chance!" Warhead growled. "Look, numbnuts, every time this guy completes a mission, we have to pay him a few hundred thousand dollars." Greedy raised an eyebrow. "So?" Warhead growled louder and restrained himself from strangling Greedy. "We don't have enough for a Subway sub!" Rez started.

"You mean those five-"

"Oh God."

"Five dollar-"

"Jesus Christ..."

"Five dollar footloooooooooo- -smash-

"Yes, those! Now, Claude, why don't you fuck off?!"

Claude shrugged and walked outside. "And learn to talk!" Warhead turned his head and saw Rez laying on the ground. "Get back to work." Eggman sighed. "You crushed his head." Warhead turned. "Then _you_ get back to work before I crush _your_ head!" Eggman grumbled and turned around. "Jesus!!" Everyone turned and saw the Burger King standing there. "Yes?" The king held up a finger and brought a silver platter of from behind his back. On it lay a screwdriver. "I've got one." Again, the King held up a finger and returned the platter to behind his back. Seconds later, he brought it out again, but now there was a note as well. Eggman read it.

"Take it or else." Egman looked up and saw that the King was aiming a gun at him. Eggman raised an eyebrow and took the screwdriver. The King slowly nodded and watched as he walked to the TV. The King tossed the platter aside and sat in his seat. "So... King... What can you do? Aside from popping out of nowhere and offering people burgers" The King raised a finger, stood up, then pulled a platter out from behind his back. On it lay an ocarina. Tossing the platter aside, the King took it and began playing it while skipping around. "This has to be one of the gayest things I've ever-"

Suddenly, a long thing broke through the roof and rapidly smashed Reapermon into the ground. "Was that a giant dick?" The King slowly nodded. "Did it just violently destroy Reapermon?" Again, the King slowly nodded. "You... are so in. What else can it do?" The King held up a finger and played another tune. Everyone who could walked outside and watched the Giant Dick In The Sky float towards to good side of town.

In the Sonic household, Sonic walked up to Rouge. "What's this?" Rouge frowned. "The Land Before TIme XIII: The Stone of Cold Fire." Sonic snorted as Silver got up. "What the...?" Rouge smirked. I gave him a Phoenix Down. No one was touching him and he was starting to stink, so..." Silver sighed, went outside, and quickly screamed before it was cut off adbruptly. Shadow came in with a disgusted look on his face. "What happened?" Shadow turned to Sonic and Rouge. "Silver was just violently destroyed by a Giant Dick In The Sky..." Sonic and Rouge shrugged. "At least he's not inside anymore."

Back at the bad side of town, the baddies exchanged looks before Warhead turned around. "Okay, everyone else can fuck off!" Everyonel owered their heads and slowly walked away. "Faster!" They began walking faster. "Finally." Everyone went back inside as a small zombie went 'Roar!'. Warhead gasped. "It's... It's... It's Herma-Zombie! The Pissed Off Zombie!" Herma-Zombie went 'Blah...' and fell over. "Meh. No real threat there." The baddies walked over to the TV as Rez reinflated his head. "Is it done?" Eggman nodded. "Rez didn't plug it in." Warhead turned to Rez and punched his skull through the wall. "Alright pop that sucker in."

A few hours later, everyone sat with their jaws opened. "That was the greatest thing I've ever seen!" Eggman started and turned to Warhead. "Seriously?!" Warhead. "Yeah. And by thing, I mean **steaming pile of shit**!! Rha!!" Everyone stood up in anger and broke through the door in anger. "To the real world, away!" Everyone gave forth a loud battle cry and began running for the good side of town.

At the same time, Sephiroth was going for a walk when he noticed someone walking down _his_ sidewalk. "Hey, who the hell do you think you are?!" The figure stopped and turned around. _"Sephiroth!"_ The figure blinked, then glared back at him. _"Chuck Norris! -western movie-like whistle-"_ Two days later, Tifa, Aeris, and Cloud walked up to Sephiroth's room. "You in there? No one's seen you for two days." After no response, they busted down the door and gasped. Sephiroth was huddled in the corner of his unlit room hugging a massive teddy bear and dressed in Aeris' clothes. "-hiss- The light!" Tifa, Aeris, and Cloud just stood there with there mouths open. "It's okay Mr. Piddles, they don't understand us..." Sephiroth began stroking the bear's head nervously as Aeris walked out of the room. "Excuse me. I'm gonna go burn my clothes now."


	4. Side Chapter: VGV:AFLFTISTWNAIBP

Side-Chapter  
Video Game Village: Animated Feature Length Film That Is Sure To Win Numerous Awards Including Best Picture (VGV: AFLFTISTWNAIBP)

* * *

(A sock puppet of Warhead is held up to a very poorly drawn background of a hospital.)

"I am Warhead!"

(A sock puppet of Eggman appears.)

"I am the Eggman!"

(A sock puppet of Sigma is held up.)

"I are Sigma!"

(The three begin making out as a sign saying 'End' is lowered into the center of the camera.)

* * *

(A.N. In case you're wondering, Warhead and the others sat there for an hour and a half in sheer dumbfoundedness.)


	5. All Hail The Mighty BONG!

Chapter Four  
All Hail The Mighty BONG!!

* * *

"They're coming." Rouge shrugged. "I watching The Land Before Time XIV: Attack Of The Dinosaurus Rex." Knuckles raised an eyebrow. "You know what, screw it." Rouge jumped over the side of the chair and walked outside. The baddies, consisting of Warhead, Eggman, Rez, Reapermon, and Copy X, were running full speed towards them, but in a Monty Pythonesque way. They'd run so far, then appear several yards behind that spot.

"This'll take a..." Everyone turned as Rouge can face-to-face with the Burger King. He held up a finger, then pulled a jack-in-the-box from behind his back. Smiling as always, he began cranking the lever. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here's my handle. Here's my spout." Suddenly, the song got really quiet and Rouge reluctantly leaned in closer. "When I get all steamed up, here me shout..."

With one final crank, the clown popped up and began screaming the second opening to Death Note. Rouge's head exploded as the Burger King tossed the toy away. "My God... Where'd he get such power?!" Warhead laughed and everyone turned to face the baddies. "He got it from the sacred BONG!!" Cloud, Tifa, Sonic, Mario, Spot, and Pac-Man all walked forward and exchanged looks.

"Sacred bong?" Eggman nodded. "It is the greatest secret us baddies have. It contains the greatest evils that have ever been conjured... or manufactured." Warhead grabbed a box from Rez and slammed it down. "Feast your unworthy eyes onto... the sacred BONG!!" The baddies grabbed their crotch with one hand and gave a Hitler salute with the other. "All hail the sacred BONG!!"

Everyone exchanged looks. "That's a box." Warhead laughed. "Of course it is! The sacred BONG is the 'Box-Of-Non-Goodins'!!" Everyone sweatdropped. "You guys are getting desperate." Just the Greedy ran up, grabbed his crotch and gave a Hitler salute. "Hail... BONG... Sacred..." Warhead turned to him. "Where were you?" Greedy pointed to an overflowed pottapotty. "Ew..." Just then, a plane landed into a random filed on their right. The door opened and everyone gasped.

"The Reinforcements!" Bowser and a newly-rebuilt Sigma walked off the plane followed by several new recruits. They were Singularity from_ Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror_, Axel Gear from _Sparkster_, Xemnas from _Kingdom Hearts 2_, Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde _from Pac-Man (duh...)_, and an evil zombie clone... of Johnny Cash.

"Ah ugh uhagh ack uhuh ack ugh fahuh!!" Warhead turned Xemnas. "Hey, why'd you bring Zombie Cash? We've already got Herma-Zombie." Everyone turned as Herma-Zombie simply fell apart. "Never mind." Warhead opened the BONG. "Reach inside and pick a winner." Xemnas reached inside as Tifa walked forward, cracking her knuckles. "That's it. I'm gonna kick all your asses."

Xemnas threw an undersized net onto Tifa, who struggled, then passed out due to lack of oxygen. "Behold, the sheer genius of... the tiny net!" Eggman laughed. "It's a death trap!" Cloud held up an inhaler. "Actually, she just needed this." Reapermon laughed. "Lies!" Axel Gear pulled a rubber chicken out of the box and threw it forward. It fell floppily onto the ground.

"A rubber chicken." Axel Gear laughed. "Not a rubber chicken..." The chicken looked up at Spot. "Brains!!" Axel Gear broke into maniacal laughter. "A rubber _zombie_ chicken!" Spot lowered his glasses briefly to look at the thing tried to suck his brains out. He pulled it off and tossed it back to the baddies. "It has failed us!"

Warhead pulled out a large boxing glove on a spring and launched it forward, hitting a random bearded man in the face. He slowly turned, then walked up to Warhead. "The sacred BONG will protect me!!" The man closed the box, held it up, and tore it in half with his bare hands. "-gasp- The sacred BONG!!" The man then glared at him and looked him straight in the eyes. _"Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle-"_

Warhead's head exploded and the man turned around to face Sephiroth. "You!" Chuck Norris smirked and walked off. "Get back here! Mr. Piddles and I demand justice!!" Tifa cmae to and broke out laughing. "What?!" Sephiroth looked down and found himself still dressed in Aeris' clothes. "Aw, shit!!"

Elsewhere, Master Chief sighed. "That was a good movie." Cortana started. "You must be joking." He laughed. "Better than Ishtar." Cortana shrugged. "That's true." _'And now, for your viewing pleasure, The Land Before Time XV: Attack of the Dinosaurus Rex Part II: Roman Daze III: Excelsia XII: Gotta Love Roman Numerals."_ Master Chief sat up. "Sounds good!" Cortana grunted and shook her head.


	6. The Access of Evil

Chapter Four

The Axcess Of Evil

* * *

"Herman has failed us."

"We must intervene."

"But we are honorable!"

"Yes, we should follows the rules our forefathers laid down for us!"

"Indeed. We shall storm Video Game Village... with our pinkies raised!"

Back at Video Game Village, Rouge was watching TV. "Now what?" Rouge sighed. "The Land Before Time XXIX: Friends Forever." Knuckles went to sit down, but left running when Littlefoot began tap dancing. Elsewhere, Herma-Zombie and Zombie Cash sat decomposing. "What of them?" Greedy snorted. "Leave them. Right now, we should focus our attacks on the bearded man called Ch-"

Everyone turned to Greedy. "The man who calls himself Chu-... Who calls himself Chuuuuuuuuuuuuck-" Greedy began panting. "Norriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis-" Greedy exploded into flame and leapt through the window burning. "Well, that was amusing..." Suddenly, the man kicked down the door. "Who spoke my name...?" Everyone pointed out the window. He jumped through the window, roundhouse -kicked Greedy, and watched as his spun around so many times, the Exorcist girl whould've been jealous.

When the body fell to the floor, Chuck Norris left. Suddenly, in the center of the village, a large warp opened and four men appeared. "There!" The men entered a random house and saw Rouge watching a movie. "Ah! 'Friends Forever'. I consider it to be my best work." Rouge slowly turned around with a very angry face. "You've bastardized one of the greatest animated movies of all time!! I hope Don Bluth, George Lucas, and Steven Speilberg are turning in their beds!"

In the real world, George Lucas was turning in their beds. "N-No... so many sequels... so little time... Ah!" George Lucas woke up suddenly. "Oh, thank God. It was just a bad dream." He turned to face Rod Serling. "Not quite." Geroge Lucas screamed as Steven Speilberg woke with a start. "Oh God! I had the worst dream in which a game based on E.T. nearly destroyed the entire video game franchise." He turned to E.T. "E.T. did." Don Bluth woke up screaming. "I had a nightmare where no one knew who I was." He looked around, saw no one, and screamed again.

Back in Video Game Village, Sephiroth began walking down the stairs where everyone Final Fantasy character sat waiting. They began smirking, but gaped when they saw that he had flamethrowers, grenade launchers, surface-to-air missile launch codes, a bunch of Holy Hand grenades, and Aeris' clothes still on. "You're still weari-" Sephiroth turned to her and growled. "Silence, woman! Come Mr. Piddles!" The group followed him outside and saw Mr. Piddles strapped to his back. It smirked, then cocked a shotgun.

Within seconds, for no reason, all of the good guys found themselves in The-Grand-Temple-Tower-Of-Doing-All-Things-Is-Not-Kinda-Like-Enemy's, or the GOTTATINKLE. "We should really think about changing this place's name." Mario snorted. "What are we-a doing here, hmm?" Sonic turned around. "There's a crisis on my hands. I mean, our hands. Something has disrupted the balance, I mean, wall between our world... and Earth."

Tails walked up. "Some shit's goin' down!" Everyone gasped as Sonic motioned to Tails. "My interpretor. Anyways, this man, this bearded anamoly, has infiltrated us and is planning... to kill us." Tails cleared his throated. "Tall, scary-looking cracka is here! We gonna die!" Everyone gasped again and began talking.

"It is quite alright. I have... a plan."

"We might not die!"

"Everyone with a sword will gather on the left side of town square. Everyone with a gun will gather on the right side."

"Gunners on the right! Stabbies on the left!"

Everyone who uses their fists or some other time of weapons with gather at the far side of town square."

"Fighters in back!"

"The rest of us will lure this man into that little strip."

"Everyone else is screwed!"

"Once there, we will attack him and the man will be defeated."

"There's gonna be good eatins tonight!"

Everyone paused. "Why is Tails talking like that?" Sonic turned to him and he began doing a hoedown. "Someone messed with my brain!" Tifa turned to Sonic. "Look, we know about this guy. So, let's actually do something about him, okay?" Tails smirked. "Time to get off our asses!" In the bad side of town, the baddies gathered whomever was left, which was Bowser, and began plotting their comeback.

"That man must die."

"Agreed."

"But we don't have enough firepower."

"Agreed."

"True, but we'll just steal some from the good guys."

"Agreed."

"But what if they don't let us?"

"That's right."

"Then we'll ask for it."

"Agreed."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"That's true."

"Rez is a faggoty ass robot built from scrap penis enlarger pumps."

"Agreed. Wait..."

Warhead burst into a maniacal laughter, but stopped suddenly. "Let's just charge in recklessly as we always do." Everyone stood and Greedy put his hand forward. "For the honor of the late sacred BONG..." One by one, everyone put their hand on top of the last, then they turned to Warhead, who held the door opened. "Fuck that. Greedy never washed his hands after going in that portapotty." Everyone pulled their hands away in disgust and went to attack Greedy. "Later!"

Just outside, they found the Burger King and four men, who promptly shot Herma-Zombie and Zombie Cash, turning them into dust. "What the hell?" The four men nodded. "We are... The Axcess of Evil!" They held up a sign and Eggman sighed. "You do know that axis is spelt A-X-I-S, right?" The men laughed pompously.

"I am Fredricks, the man who genetically created Herman, The Pissed-Off Midget."

"I am Alexander, the man that owned the dog that gave birth to Roger, the Duck Hunt dog."

"I am Raphael, the man who ressurected Johnny Cash from the grave."

"I am Tracy, the man that made the Land Before Time seq-"

Tracy fell to the ground, dead of a bullet to the head. All eyes turned to Greedy. "Fucking asshole, ruining a good movie like that. I hope he rots in hell!" Everyone else shrugged. "I see that you've met Burger, our most valued member." Eggman turned to him. "You're in the Access of Evil?" Burger King slowly nodded, then held up a finger and slowly walked into a portapotty. "We shall assist you with your... problem... Follow!"

The baddies followed the Axcess of Evil to the good side of town, where they met the good guys. And Sephiroth. "Move." The men snorted. "Make us." Sephiroth burnt Raphael to a crisp using a flamethrower. "Move." They moved and found Chuck Norris there. "I am not here to hurt any of you. I simply want what is mine and the man who took it." Master Chief walked forward. "Well, you did hurt someone and now, you're gonna get it, Mr. Bearded Man." Spot started. "What are you gonna do?" Master Chief smirked. "I'm gonna finish this fight."

-The End-


	7. Chuck Norris: The Baddest Motherfucker

Chapter Five

Chuck Norris: Baddest Motherfucker In The Face Of The Land

* * *

"Right now." Master Chief ran forward as 'Bodies' by Drowning Pool began plaing, but scratched when Master Chief got hit by a semi that appeared from nowhere. Alexander thrust his finger into the air. "To war, gentlemen!" Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked Alexander, knocking his head clean off. The body fell to the ground and Chuck Norris threw it at the baddies. It exploded on contact, sending the baddies flying into the air. "This is getting old..." Everyone turned and saw Flameman sitting on a flying carpet. "For honor!" He gave forth a terrorist scream and flew away as the baddies vanished in the distance with a twinkle.

"And now..." Chuck Norris turned to Fredricks, who held his nose in the air in the most pompous way imaginable. Suddenly, the Burger King appeared with his ocarina and summoned the Giant Dick In The Sky. It crashed to the ground trying to violently destroy Chuck Norris, but he simply unzipped his pants and held the hole open. A massive warp opened up that sucked the Giant Dick In The Sky into his pants. Afterwards, his pants zipped themselves up.

"Wait a minute!!" Tifa stomped forward. "What the hell just happened?!" Chuck Norris chuckled. "I took back what was mine." Everyone started. "Wha... What...?" Chuck Norris smirked. "So, that Giant Dick was..." Chuck Norris nodded. "And it was really your..." Chuck Norris nodded again. "That's disturbing..." Chuck Norris held up a finger and turned around in time to see Burger King making a run for it. "There's no way you'll catch him now!"

Chuck Norris unzipped his pants and held it open as the Giant Dick In His Pants shot forward, violently smashed Burger King's face into a wall, killing him, then returned to his pants. "Mission accomplished." He turned around and came face-to-face with Sephiroth. Chuck Norris smirked, then punched him with his chin-fist. Chuck Norris then walked into the sunset as someone began singing a song about Chuck Norris.

(A.N. This isn't the whole song, but it's my favorite parts.)

_"Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- He's the baddest motherfucker in the face of the land! Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- He can do anything! Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- Fuck Brian Boutano! What would Chuck Norris do? Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- Did you know Chuck Norris invented the Internet? Like thirty years ago! Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Three times! Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle- He's the baddest motherfucker in the face of the land! Chuck Norris! -western-like whistle-"_

Fredricks snorted and turned to the group. "Well, crisis averted. I shall be going now." Sephiroth turned to him. "Your allies are dead. Take them with you." Fredricks snorted. "No!" That night, Sephiroth smiled as he wore his own clothes and spun Fredricks around on a rotisserie. "That's... pretty disturbing..." Spehiroth chuckled. "You're wrong." He took a large bite out of Fredrick's leg. "It's delicious!"

-Epilogue-

Knuckles walked into the living room and turned to Rouge. "What's this?" Rouge smirked. "Last movie in the series." Knuckles raised an eyebrow. "How can you tell?" Rouge chuckled. "The Land Before Time XLIV: The End of Days." Everyone went 'Oooooh!' and hurried for a seat. At the Final Fantasy estate, Mickey Mouse went insane when he pulled his pants down and discovered that he lacked all signs of gentialia. The baddies took an entire week to hike from their landing site back to The-Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good.

"Well, everyone's fine. So, we're basically right back to where we were." Warhead grabbed the copy of Video Game Village: Animated Feature Legnth Film That Is Sure To Win Numerous Award Including Best Picture and walked to the good side of town. After several hours, the other baddies went looking for him and found everyone in shock. Suddenly, they broke from their shock and turned to Warhead. "We now share a common foe. We must kill the man who made this movie! We must kill..." They played the credits again until the name of the director popped up. "...Uwe Boll!!"

-The End...-

-...at least until I decided to get off my ass and make the fourth installation-


End file.
